One Liberating Truth: From Feeling Stuck to Being Free

Ballori Sengupta
Jul 21
5 min read

Shadow work. Authentic identity. Emotional boundaries. Healing integration. What does it really mean for your light to embrace your shadow?

For decades, I wore a mask of light — and I wore it well.

It was my survival mechanism. The “good girl.” Be sweet. Be nice. Be perfect. Be light. Be caring. Don’t argue. Be anything — as long as you’re not too much.

I perfected the art of people-pleasing and emotional shape-shifting so I could be loved, accepted, and safe. I thought if I just showed up as the best version of myself, things would work out. People wouldn’t be mad at me. I wouldn’t get in trouble. I wouldn’t be talked down to. I wouldn’t be disrespected. I wouldn’t be a disappointment.

And still, I’d hear:

“You’re too sensitive.” “You care too much.” “You’re too much.”

For over three decades, I was more attuned to other people’s feelings than my own.I was walking on emotional eggshells — constantly scanning the room, adjusting myself to avoid triggering others.

I got so good at observing and reading the room that it became my superpower.

My nervous system was wired to survive. It was life or death. It felt safer to monitor others’ moods than to know what I needed or wanted.

But then life broke me open.

The people I bent over backwards to care for…

were the same ones who tore my heart out

and stomped on it

again

and again

and again..

AndI finally said: No more.

And in that breaking point, I saw the real truth: I wasn’t being abandoned by others. I had been abandoning myself all along.

So I made myself a promise: Never again.

And that was the beginning of my healing.

I tuned in. I started noticing how situations made me feel. I listened to my body — how it tightened, contracted, or lit up. I started honoring my truth, even when no one else could see it.

Eventually, I became a coach. I held space for others — the kind of sacred space no one ever held for me.

My frequency rose. People felt it. Some were drawn in. Others were repelled. I was praised and vilified in the same breath.

Pushed away. Shut down. Excluded — even when I had done nothing wrong. As my frequency rose, the rift between me and society grew. My mere presence became “too much.”

And it hurt.

So I learned to hold myself through the pain. I isolated. I cried. I tried to make sense of what was happening—both inside me and around me. I would spend months at a time, mending the broken pieces of my heart back together.

Each time I re-emerged, it looked like I had quantum leaped.

To the world, I seemed like the strong one — the healed one. But what no one saw… was the shadow I held in solitude.

The rage.

The heartbreak.

The fear.

The exhaustion.

I thought I was doing shadow work — because I was witnessing it alone. But I wasn’t letting it truly be witnessed.

I only ever brought my high-vibration self into the world: The calm one. The grounded one. The inspiring one.

The rest of me? Stayed at home in solitary confinement.

And this – this ii was the realization that finally cracked everything open for me this week.

I went from years of stuck and suppressed to in flow and finally ready to be seen. ALL of me.

I found myself shapeshifting and being concerned for someone’s well-being. But when I expressed my concerns, hurt and frustration after they disappeared in the midst of a collaboration, I was met with dismissal—a very familiar experience. And in that moment, I unleashed my fury. I didn’t hold back. Here I was again… holding space and doing all the emotional heavy lifting, but met with crickets when I expressed my needs… even as simple as respect, reliability, and clear communication.

Each conversation I’ve had lately shows me fragments of my old self. But for the first time… I’m reflecting back the whole masterpiece — with all the fragments, whole.

The truth is: there is no real light without shadow. And if you don’t let others witness your shadow, you’re still performing a version of light that isn’t whole.

Even though I sat with my anger in private, the world never met her. I would deal with her on my own so I wouldn’t destroy everything. Even though I faced my grief and shame alone, I never let them speak in public. Even though I was doing the work… I was still filtering.

And that filter sent a message to my subconscious: You are not safe to be seen. You are not lovable in your fullness. You are too much.

That pressure built up inside me like steam in a sealed container.

So when it finally came out — it wasn’t just a moment of anger. It was decades of repressed emotion exploding all at once.

People would say,

“You’re overreacting.”

“It wasn’t that serious.”

“Why do you care so much?”

“Why are you making a mountain out of a mole hill?”

But of course I cared. Because it wasn’t just about that moment — it was about every time I swallowed my truth for 39 years.

Real shadow integration doesn’t happen in isolation.

It happens in connection. In public. In real time.

Letting my shadow sit next to my light in the same room. Letting my fire walk beside my compassion. Letting my full self be seen, felt, and heard.

And guess what?

Since doing this — I’ve found my flow again. My book, my offers, my content — everything is moving with ease. The resistance I felt to creating is a thing of the past.

I didn’t realize how much energy I was exerting to filter my thoughts, experiences, and feelings so it would be palatable. But that mask of perfection and light was the very thing that created disconnection.

Now that I’m bringing all of me — people can relate. They see themselves in my story.

It’s also not about the perfect script or polished soundbites. It’s not about always being “high vibe.”. It’s not about never feeling down or making mistakes.

It’s about the truth.

The heartbreak.

The fury.

The fire.

The lived wisdom.

That’s what makes me… me. It’s about how I’ve embraced the fury to ignite the light in the darkness. Had I never experienced the darkness. I would not have become the light people see today.

So I honor her – the one I kept in hiding.

I honor her rage.

I honor her heartbreak.

I honor her boundaries.

I honor her fire.

Because she is the one who kept me alive.

She is the one who fueled the breakthroughs.

She is the one who was never “too much.”

She was truth.

So if you’re someone who…

– Has been doing the inner work but feels stuck – Finds yourself performing “high vibe” but burning out inside – Has deep emotions that no one ever sees – Creates boundaries but still feels unseen or abandoned

Then this might be the missing piece for you, too.

Try this:

For one week… don’t filter. Don’t shift your voice depending on who’s in front of you. Don’t hide the messy, angry, confused, grieving parts of you.

Bring your full self. Let your shadow come to the party. Let it sit at the table. Let it speak.

You might just find — like I did —that your shadow was never something to fix or hide.

Not everyone will like it — but you will find immense peace within.

It was the key to your freedom.

I want to hear from you.

Have you been embracing your shadow in solitude — but not in public? Have you been trying to be loved for your light… while your truth stayed hidden?

Share your story. Let’s talk.👇🏽