The Illusion of Confidence: The Power You See Isn’t the Power You Get
- Ballori Sengupta
- Apr 25
- 6 min read
Are you tired of constantly showing the world that you have it all together, only to feel drained, tired, and frustrated inside? You’re always there for everyone, but when you need someone to have your back, there’s no one to be found. You put on this strong, confident front, but deep down, you feel like an imposter.
This confidence. It’s not power. It’s a performance. It’s a survival mechanism. It’s a defense against a world that taught you vulnerability equals weakness–or worse, that showing it will get you hurt and taken advantage of.
The truth is: the more you perform confidence, the further you disconnect from the real thing. And that term that’s thrown around so often? “Authentic?” You’re far from it.
Been there. Done that. Got the t-shirt.
Trust me— I know exactly what it feels like. I wore that armor so well I almost forgot I was bleeding underneath it.
There were times I didn’t want to be the strong one. I silently wished someone else would take the lead. The armor I put on myself to protect myself from the world was weighing me down. I just wanted–just for a moment–to let myself go. I wanted someone to catch me. To hold me. But there was no one. The world wasn’t a safe place.
So, what did I do? I shut down. I got up, brushed it off, and kept going. I did it all myself–not because I wanted to, but because I felt I had to in order to survive. I stood up for everyone, but I didn’t have the voice to stand up for myself. And eventually, that led to burnout, depression, and isolation. Five years, to be exact.
I found myself on a pedestal–this unspoken standard put on me by people(...and myself) where I was supposed to never mess up, to never need anything, to always have the answers.
In corporate, I was seen as the one who always had the answers. I remember a time when almost 50 of us were stuck trying to agree on a workflow weeks before a product launch. Many of the people on these calls were much more senior than me and would keep pushing back. No one wanted to make a decision in case it didn’t work out. So I stepped in and said, “If it fails, put my name on it.” Everyone bought in almost immediately. It wasn’t because I was 100% sure. It was because I believed we could figure it out once we stopped spinning in fear. They saw strength. So I kept the show going.
So why can’t we believe that for ourselves? I could have grace for others to make mistakes, but not myself.
I had to keep performing that I had all the confidence. I couldn’t show the fear of putting my job on the line. Because I feared the moment they saw the truth, I’d lose their respect. Their love. Their trust. I would be rejected. But here’s what I realized: I was doing the same thing… to myself. I was rejecting the parts of me that didn’t look “put together.” I kept trying to fix myself. Hide the mess. Patch the cracks. Keep performing. And it left me feeling more disconnected than ever.
The Real Power: Embodied, Rooted, and Vulnerable
Here’s what I know now: it’s okay to not have it all figured out. It’s okay to be messy. It’s okay to be scared, confused, and still finding your way. It’s about the journey, not the destination. The world’s obsession with perfection is really just its own fear, projected outward. And you? You don’t need to shrink yourself to fit in.
You’re not single because you’re unworthy of love or that you’re too much. You just haven’t found the one who recognizes your worth and knows how to truly love and honor you. Or maybe it’s not even the path you want to take. You didn’t miss that opportunity because you’re incapable. You didn’t get the opportunity because it wasn’t the right opportunity for you. You’re not broken—you’re becoming. When you stop trying to fit where you don’t belong, you make space for the right people, the right path, and the right power to find you. That is where confidence is born naturally.
Real power comes from knowing that you’re human, and that mistakes are part of the journey. Making mistakes doesn’t weaken you—it strengthens you. It’s about having the courage to own your missteps, correct them, and grow from them, so as not to repeat them.
Fake it Til You Make it
When I first left corporate, I can’t say I was ready to start my own business… that too as a coach! I felt like such an imposter. I questioned everything. Who would trust me when the life I’d built—the “successful” life—was falling apart? But here’s the twist: that life was never me. It was a cage dressed up as a trophy. The moment I let it go, I finally started living. I realized true confidence isn't the absence of fear.
I learned that it’s not that bad things will never happen, it’s about who you’re BEING in the moment that bad things happen. It’s about having the ability to bounce back faster. True confidence is to know that no matter what happens, you’ll be able to figure it out.
But be careful! When you take “fake it till you make it” too far, it turns into “do it all alone.” And that mindset disconnects you from the very thing you crave the most: connection. The more I wore my independence like a badge of honor, the more isolated I became. And the more I hid my softness, the more unseen I felt. Trying to survive in a man’s world, I became a man myself.
When Things Finally Shifted
Here’s what changed my life: I stopped pretending to have it all together. I called it when I didn’t know. I asked for help, sometimes even if I knew how to do it. I started letting people in– not just into my wins, but into my mess. And the wildest thing happened… The more I showed up as my full, raw, vulnerable self, the more I attracted people who wanted to love me, not the mask.
But not everyone was ready for my mess. Many rejected it. But what hurt the most was that I was subconsciously rejecting myself. “Don’t let anyone see your weakness,” they said. Screw it! Let them! And don’t have shame over it. Own it. Because the second you own it, others lose power over you. Fear loses power over you. Shame loses power over you. Guilt loses power over you.
Trust me, there are still days when vulnerability feels like the scariest thing in the world, and yet, it’s the only way forward. Because when you can be real with yourself, you become real to others. When you let go of that performative confidence and allow yourself to be seen in your messiness, you create real connections. Sure, some people will push back. Some people will judge you. Some people might reject you, and that’s okay. As long as you’re not rejecting yourself.
And the more I showed up in every version of me, I started calling in all the right people. They couldn’t find me because my radio was on the wrong frequency. When I finally started showing up fully—vulnerable and unafraid of being rejected—I gave others permission to do the same.
Real confidence isn’t loud. It doesn’t need to prove anything. It’s quiet. It’s grounded. It says: “I trust myself enough to be seen exactly as I am.” That’s what creates connection. That’s what creates healing. That’s what creates true, unshakable power.
Are You Ready to Step Into Your True Confidence?
This is the story of my becoming. And maybe… it’s yours too. If you’re tired of performing confidence... if you’re aching for real support, real connection, and real inner peace... if you’re ready to step into the version of you that doesn’t shrink, doesn’t hustle for love, and doesn’t need to prove a thing...
Then I see you. I feel you. And you’re not alone.
This is your invitation to take off the armor. To let yourself be held. To rediscover who you really are underneath the mask. And if you want a guide on that journey—one who’s walked it, bled on it, and come out stronger on the other side—I’m here.
Send me a message to book a connection call and tell me what part of this landed for you. I’d love to hear from you.
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